Monday, December 13, 2010

“Gretchen had so much baggage and bullshit excuses that she seemed to be entirely made up of shit and nothing more.” –Unknown (Or possibly I wrote it)

Fair warning: This blog entry is full of shit.

So, how do we deal when we feel like there is shit somewhere that we cannot get rid of that sticks to us like the relentless flies that stick to it?

For starters, flies eat shit.

When shit hits the fan, run as fast as you can to get away. Grab a baby or two but get yourself out. NOW. You can always think later and you will. You may think about that shit for the rest of your life but at least you won't still be sitting in a shit storm as wind pummels the shit against you until it dries and adheres to your soul.

That being said, there will always be a shit hole lurking somewhere in our lives. It's just how often we venture out to the steaming mass or pay it any heed, a determining factor of its presence among us, its impact upon our lives. Maybe we try to shovel the shit around and disperse it so that the mass is not accumulating all in one place. We may hide it under rugs and within cluttered desk drawers, stuff it into dark basements, or entice Harold the dog to eat it. We’re trying to hide and forget about our own shit but the shit is still there and if we don’t find it someone else will. Our repressed shit will always be made known to us at some point, possibly by the most unsuspecting source, someone we love.

Some people try to come to terms with their shit all the while choosing to keep it around. They may walk through the shit at some point every day, to or from work, possibly coming back from the daily walking of Harold the dog. They acknowledge the shit; they accept the shit as though it were a normal facet of their lives. They wear an extra lining in their socks and they always shower when they arrive back home. Some may even converse with the shit they face, ask it for advice; they may ask it to fulfill such mundane tasks as delivering letters or picking up another can of shaving gel. They may landscape the shit in their back yard, determined to make it more appeasing since they look at it every day. They grow flowers out of it saying, “my shit smells like roses”. Your shit may smell like roses but it still looks like shit; it is shit after all. It cannot be anything except shit unless it is shit with your footsteps in it or shit with coins and empty wishes thrown in it. The shit is there and the shit is pretty shitty.

How do you deal with your own shit? Do you hide the shit or is there something about your shit that is so appealing that you keep going back to it? Do you spend your time with your shit day in and day out, regardless of life's laughter all around you? Sometimes people leave their shit at home; sometimes they leave their shit at work. My advice to you is that you leave your shit altogether and never look back. You already have what you need, you have salvaged from the shit the few items worth saving. The rest is just shit and nothing more.

After reading this blog you may have certain questions. One being, ‘who is Harold the dog?’ Harold the dog is waiting for you at your nearest animal shelter. Adopt him today.

Another question you may have might involve my impetus for writing such a blog. Talking shit about shit isn’t to say I don’t respect the shit because I do. The shit made me who I choose to be every day. Shit can be a significant part of what makes us who we are but it tends to wear us out if that’s where we put all our focus. I believe that if you find yourself thinking again and again about your shit you are destined to live in a way that is unbalanced and unhealthy. What we need is something to invigorate us every day, to help us turn our backs on the shit that plagues us. Find that certain something and live a shit-free life today.

5 comments:

  1. This comment has been removed by the author.

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  2. autocorrect mode has been enabled, but it seems I am unable to remove my own excrement from your blog. Where is my trash can? Well, an important lesson. I encourage you to delete my poo, if you are able.

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  3. This post is GENIUS! I just told you yesterday the top three reasons why I love you, and all three of those reasons are in this blog post. Keep this blog up, lady, because you are an amazing writer!

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  4. By the way, my favorite line is "It cannot be anything except shit unless it is shit with your footsteps in it or shit with coins and empty wishes thrown in it. " And I love the part about going to adopt Harold the dog from the shelter.

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  5. Hahaha... that was hilarious and so very true :)

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